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Why is empathy so important?

Empathy is the foundation of your children’s daily social interactions. It is essential to building healthy, happy relationships with family and friends. Once your child can read the feelings and reactions of others, they can learn to be considerate and respond appropriately in different social situations.

A strong sense of empathy can also help your child:

• Be more tolerant and accepting of others
• Show more helping behaviour
• Strengthen their mental health

​In adults, the ability to empathise is often the difference between an effective communicator or sensitive parent / partner and the clueless social misfit. This is why it is so important to help your tamariki understand and develop empathy from an early age.

How do I explain empathy to my tamariki?

When talking to your children about empathy, it is best to use examples, you could try:

• For younger tamariki: Remember when your friend fell over at school and hurt their knee? Did you feel sad and concerned because they were upset? That’s empathy because you are sharing your friend’s feelings
• For teenagers: Do you make the effort to smile and remember other people’s names? That’s an everyday way to show empathy.

It can be hard to know how to start building skills like empathy. But don’t worry, we've got our best tips and practical advice ahead.

How can you develop a whanau culture of respect and empathy?

• Help your tamariki identify and describe their own feelings. This is often one of the first steps of formal programmes such as Roots of Empathy. Understanding your own emotions is the foundation for understanding and sensing how others feel.
• Build your child’s emotional literacy. This can be done through simple everyday actions like acknowledging and talking about the emotions that you and your child experience. By saying “You looked like you were getting really frustrated when Lucy took your doll” you are teaching your child to acknowledge the experience and put a name to it.
• Make how others feel a regular part your whanau’s conversation. Use the important people in your child’s life to help them gain a better sense of other’s experiences. E.g., how do you think your teacher feels when a classmate breaks the classroom agreement? Or why do you think Grandma got all teary at Uncle Sam’s graduation?

Practical tips to teach your tamariki empathy

​Once your child shows a good understanding of the needs and experiences of others, what next? The next step is helping your tamariki put empathy into action.

The best way to do this by modelling empathetic behaviour yourself. There are a couple of ways you can do this. For example:

• Take everyday opportunities to show empathy. If there is a mother with a crying baby in the supermarket queue, offer to let her go in front of you. Then take the opportunity to explain to your child why you thought this would help the other mum.
• Visit your local animal shelter. If you want to take your tamariki through a more formal learning experience, visit the local animal shelter. This provides a good opportunity to talk through the experience of pets left at the shelter. It also gives your children an opportunity to act on their empathetic feelings as they happen.

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​And finally, always take the time to acknowledge your tamariki’s efforts if you see them acting empathetically. Make sure you describe how they were empathetic and pile on the praise. Everyone loves a bit of positive feedback and this will let your children know you value their efforts to be empathetic.