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What causes teenage behaviour?

While Jack’s parents were understandably frustrated, they are actually describing a common developmental stage known as "egocentrism," a term coined by psychologist David Elkind. During teenage years, the mind undergoes rapid growth. Rangitahi must make a significant leap in their thinking abilities as they transition from childhood to adulthood.

Teenage egocentrism is a normal part of development that everyone experiences. 

What is egocentrism?

Between the ages of 11 and 15, egocentrism is characterised by certain traits, primarily the presence of an "imaginary audience" in the minds of teenagers. They tend to analyse their actions based on how they believe others perceive them.

However, the problem is that, at this stage, teens often struggle to differentiate between their assumptions about what others think and the actual thoughts of other people. Essentially, the teen confuses their own thoughts with those of others and finds it challenging to think beyond their own perspective.

What challenges can egocentrism cause?

Teenagers experience emotions intensely and struggle to consider the impact of their behaviour on others.

This is why they often see your requests to stop gaming and help with chores as major intrusions and when they don’t ‘feel like doing them”, ‘later later’ is often heard.  It’s also why teens find it difficult to understand why you don’t view the iPhone they desperately want as a basic necessity.

So, how do you deal with the teenage egocentrism phase?

A significant part of the teenage years involves developing empathy and social perception skills. Teenagers learn these through interactions and relationships with other, including you.

The best way to support your child through this period is to reflect on your own adolescence and be as patient and empathetic as possible. Share your own experiences but avoid dismissing their struggles or comparing them to your own. 

Most teens eventually come to understand that their words and actions affect others. They also learn that what they're experiencing and feeling is not unique to them its also experienced by others. If you’re doing the hard yards with your teenager, remember it’s a stage just like any other that your child has been through.

And the good news? Egocentrism won’t last forever and usually begins to decrease between the ages of 16 and 18. 

In the meantime, if you're having a hard time communicating with your teenager, make sure you read our article 7 tips to make communicating with your teenager easier.